*As Coles is the "Official Olympics Supermarket of Australia" (seriously, though, there are like, TWO major supermarkets in Australia plus that German one, so well-fucking-done, Coles) I suppose he might have some sort of contractual obligation to spruce their fruit and stuff? If I were an olympian I would totally object to singing the Down Down song; in fact, I would rather be kicked off the team than have to subject myself to such an indignity.
Oh, god. A quick look at the Coles website and Australia's olympic athletes are being referred to as "COLES ATHLETES". The only thing worse than not winning gold is being called a Coles athlete!!!
|The drugs made them compliant. Afterwards, they used broccoli to wipe away their tears.|
Anyway, it's 4am and I have now watched a good five hours of appalling Olympics coverage. Except for the walking. The men's 20km race walk was probably the best thing I've ever seen. The eventual winner, Chen Ding (extra points for a catchy name) started high-fiving randoms in the crowd and fist-pumping about 3km from the finish line. And then he practically sprinted towards the finish line with the judges RIGHT THERE. Take note, fellow athletes, CHEN DING = BALLS. In a good way, obviously.