Three Things I Love about the London Olympics

I don't usually watch TV because the ads drive me insane and a tiny bit more "crazy" might tip me over the edge. But I always get sucked in during the Olympics... and particularly this year because secretly I wish I was British. I've never been to London but in my head I imagine that people doff their hats to you on the street and use words like "daft" and "chuffed" and "M'lady" a lot.

We're only a few days in and I'm already hooked. So in no particular order,

Three Things I Love about the London Olympics...

1. Royal Watch
Most people would want to get pissed with Harry or Zara but I would LOVE to hang out with Her Maj, if only for one day. In my fantasy we'd play scrabble at brunch, lament about Chuck (Charles) and Andy's terrible taste in women and bitch about Pippa's arse. After luncheon (yes, we would call it luncheon) we would don our Wellingtons and practise skeet shooting. The Queen would be really good at it because she would imagine the targets as Camilla's head. We'd have dinner with Prince William (she would call him Bill) and she'd rub his head for good luck before we toddled off to the casino to play blackjack. After supper we would mix vodka in our tea, sneak into Harry's room for a bong and pass out in the parlour. The Queen would wake up with a monster hangover and make me a Bloody Mary. Then she'd drive me home in a Rolls, declare me her BFF and ask if I want to hang out with her and Helen Mirren next weekend. Later that day I would get a text message that read "Gr8 night. ROFL. Liz".

2. Commentators
Can you imagine anyone other than Ray Warren commentating the swimming? Is there anyone else who would refer to the United States as "America"? I think not! Another of my favourites is the gymnastics lady (unfortunately I don't know her name). Whenever she says something like "double pike turn twist and a difficulty level of 6.4" my cockles feel all warm and fuzzy. I have also developed a bit of a voice-crush on Giann Rooney. She's so purty.

3. The Names
My favourite name of all time has to be "Van Den Hoogenband", a Dutch former swimming champion. Upon further investigation, his full name is even better!!! Pieter Cornelis Ruud Martijn van den Hoogenband. SO GOOD. So far the best ones I've seen so far at this Olympics are Seebohm (pronounced C-bomb) and Agnell (pronounced Ay-nell). Hehehehe.

What are your favourite Olympicisms?