Thursday, 11 October 2012

Things That Do Not Float My Boat

1. People who use social mediums (primarily Facebook) to clog up my newsfeed with their bitching and moaning about their first world problems. In particular, the recent furore on the Lust Have It page bemoaning the shittiness of the "VIP" membership because it doesn't kiss their arse and make them coffee. Really. You pay less than $15/month and expect a fucking diamond ring on a silver platter? I suggest you stop your repetitious whingeing, get on with your life (although the jury's out on whether you indeed have one, given the inordinate amount of time you spend writing whiny essays on FB) and thank the gods that you HAVE $15/month to spend on unnecessary beauty products instead of, say, I don't know, LIVING IN A CARDBOARD BOX ON THE STREET. Or worse, having THIRD WORLD problems.

2. Waking up after a big night and congratulating yourself on NOT having a hangover, only to learn 5 hours later that you were, in fact, still drunk that morning and the hangover kicks in at 5pm. I attended a very boozy engagement party last weekend in Torquay - limitless beer, wine and champagne (the bride is French) and unfortunately, very little self-control from myself. I don't remember the last few hours of the evening except for vague flashbacks of drunkenly talking to the groom's father about god-knows-what and dancing at Torquays best (and by "best" I mean "worst and only") nightspot like an idiot. The wedding is in France next year. Hopefully I can better hold onto my dignity in a foreign country, eh?

3. Daylight savings (or Perth's lack-of). I usually call my parents once a week during the evening and the three hour time delay makes it difficult to find a good time to call. i.e. they eat at 6pm so the earliest I can call is 9:30pm, at which point I'm falling asleep. Getting in touch during the day is a fucker, too. Sometimes I call mum with particularly inane question at 9am, forgetting that it's only 6am there. D'oh! I blame the old people of Perth; incapable of change and afraid that the curtains will fade and the cows will get confused if they have daylight savings. WTF!?

4. Break-ups. 'Nuff said.

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